Remembering Dad 15 years later

• 3 December 2021

Setting up and sharing a Tribute Page for their loved one has brought comfort for many families.

Often this is done shortly after a loved one dies, so the link can be shared for funeral donations to be collected and donated to a Charity.

However, a family member contacted us recently to share with us their experience of setting up a tribute page – 15 years after their Dad died.

Jane explained:

“Before I had experienced grief I, wrongly, assumed it was a short process of mourning that could be predicted and planned for. I now realise, 15 years after my Dad died, it is life-long and random, although I appreciate the experience of grief can be different for everyone.

That said, for me, things are not as all-consuming as they were in the beginning and I have learnt to live with a ‘new normal’ and often remember my Dad with a smile on my face. However, there are particular times of the year I find more difficult; Fathers day, Christmas, special birthdays, new life events and the month of October! This was both the month of my Dad’s birthday and the month he died.

Tribute Pages available for everyone

Once the Autumn leaves start to fall I had struggled to find a way to positively remember my Dad without feeling overwhelmed.  I had seen the Tribute Pages on the Arthur Rank Hospice Charity website but assumed these were for patients who had been cared for by the Charity and were to be set up soon after their death.

After reading more on webpage I realised this was not the case. It was like a ‘penny dropping’ moment for me and I felt a weight lifting.

15 years after my Dad died, in what would have been his 90^th year, I decided to set up a Tribute Page for him.

Setting up the Tribute Page

From the Much Loved website I found it easy to add a title page, photos and shared a story I had written for my Dads eulogy.

I lit a (digital) candle and when the light came on it gave me a feeling of optimism and I knew this would be a regular positive way for me to acknowledge my feelings and remember him.

Sharing the Tribute Page

Once I had uploaded my information, and checked it with my sisters, I shared the link from the Tribute page with my cousins and family members and I was amazed at the wonderful memories and photos they started to share. They even recounted some old stories that I hadn’t heard before so these were saved in the stories section for others (with the link) to see.

Some of my relatives also lit candles and I have since lit more candles when thinking of him and on anniversary days.

Inviting donations 

Even though this was not obligatory I decided to set up an option for any donations to go to Arthur Rank Hospice Charity. I was familiar with the services at the Charity as they cared for my Mother-in-law in 2017. Grief and a feeling of overwhelm was present again for me when she died but I noticed this time it was different. The Hospice had given us a different experience – from the ‘hotel’ environment, the connection to nature from the Inpatient Unit beds, the afternoon tea and cake (for visitors too) to the ‘nothing is too much trouble’ approach from the staff at the Charity, helped me to realise what a good death experience could look like, and the difference this can make to their friends and families.

So, even though my Dad did not experience the services from Arthur Rank Hospice Charity I wanted to enable more patients and their families the opportunity to be able to experience this in the future also. I plan to donate the money I would have previously spent on him for his birthday and Christmas to the Charity instead via the page.

In October 2022 my Dad would have been 90 years old and it will be interesting to see how the Tribute page and donations continue over the next year and even 10 years – when we will celebrate what would have been his 100^th birthday!”

You can find out more about Tribute Pages here: arhc.org.uk/latest-news/family-and-friends-remember-a-loved-one-together-with-beautiful-online-tribute-pages/

If you would be interested to find out more about how to remember your loved one, please call Rachael on 01223 675893 (Monday-Friday 8:30am-4:30pm), email rachael.brown@arhc.org.uk, or visit arhc.org.uk/tribute