Emily’s personal and professional experience at the Charity

Emily is our Fundraising Supporter Care Administrator but her experience of the Charity started as a personal one. She kindly shared her story:

“My Dad, Peter was in the Inpatient Unit in 2021 as he had a brain tumour. He was quite a complicated case but everyone here was so lovely. We found everyone so welcoming, and we felt they were part of the family when Dad passed away. He died five days before his birthday, so he’d nearly made it to 71. The nurses cried with us and one of them even came to the funeral, they were incredible.

He originally came to the Inpatient Unit at the Hospice for them to review his medication and pain to make him more comfortable. Sadly, he deteriorated quickly, and it wasn’t manageable for us to have him at home anymore. He was not steady on his feet and for different reasons it was safer for him to stay at the Hospice.

Had you heard of the Hospice before your Dad came here?

No, we’d taken part in Bridge the Gap with my Nan but until I walked through those doors, I didn’t really know anything about it. I remember thinking it was bright and airy, and it’s not what I thought was the stereotypical hospice of doom and gloom and death in the air! It was completely different.

The Afternoon Tea that they deliver on the ward was a big part for us because Dad was quite cheeky. It broke up the day, it gave us all someone else to talk to and that was really good for my family – plus I like cake!

Dad was obsessed with crumble and custard. So, the chefs used to make him a different crumble to enjoy. They’d try to do anything that they could to make him happy.

How did your employment at the Charity happen?

I was working for a recruitment agency before I was employed here where we had taken part in a fundraiser for the Charity at Christmas. I had a chat with Sophie, Corporate Fundraising Officer about working at the Hospice. After that I saw the vacancy on the website – I applied and here I am!

How do you find working at the Charity after your personal experience here?

Of course I have memories of my Dad attached to the environment but it’s not been too difficult. I know I have support from my line manager, the HR team and the Mental Health First Aiders at the Charity if I need it. Sometimes things do pop up that remind me of being here with my Dad but overall it’s been positive and everyone’s been really nice. I’ve talked about him a lot so I’m keeping his memory alive.

A previous colleague’s Mum passed away at the Hospice when it was at Mill Road and she thought she could never go back. She came to see us and she couldn’t believe the difference!

Do you feel your personal experience has made a difference to the way you do your job?

100%. My personal experience has definitely helped me to help the supporters – because I’ve been through what they’re going through or have been through. Today I had lunch in the Bistro with a regular supporter whose wife died here three years ago. I was in the queue for lunch and he invited me to sit with him. We shared a conversation and hopefully he went home and felt better for it.

Do you think it is important to have a gap before working or volunteering for the Charity?

Yes, I think so. I think the main thing with grief is time. You don’t necessarily get over it, you just learn to live with it. I’m glad I had a little bit of time to grieve and learn to live life without Dad first, otherwise I think it might have been too emotional – there’s still an emotional connection but it’s not so fresh.

We bought Dad a memory leaf [for the memory tree at the Hospice]. So, I literally walk past every day, I see his name and think of him – that’s really nice.

Did you get any support with grief?

I had counselling through the Patient and Family Support Team at the Charity, while Dad was here – she was brilliant. I felt guilty because I kept thinking, “I just want him to die now because he’s so upset, he’s so miserable, he’s in pain and he doesn’t want to live any more”. She was great and reassured me by saying, “I hear you saying this, but perhaps you mean this” and she supported me to understand what the feelings were behind it.

We had an aromatherapy session with a Complementary Therapist as well. We got to take home a little roll-on [with aromatherapy scent] to help us sleep and relax and I had a massage as well. They came into the room and said, “We’ve got a slot today, would you like it?” and I was like, “See ya!”

What would you say to someone who was thinking of applying for a vacancy at the Charity?

I’d say do it, as long as you feel comfortable with it. People are all different. I deal with it differently to my Mum, who deals with it differently to my sister. I would suggest coming to the Bistro or an open day first to have a little look round and see how comfortable you are and if it’s something that interests you, then do it. Why not?

I feel like it helps to move on from that chapter as well and I feel like I’m settling in so well and everyone’s so nice about it that I feel like it’s just been a good choice for me, personally.

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If you would like to work or volunteer at the Charity, please see our current vacancies arhc.org.uk/joinus